Mother Goose Says

READY TO ANSWER YOUR SEX AND RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS

Dear Mother Goose, My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for two weeks. I am about to begin my sophomore year at UC and this is my first gay relationship. How do I talk to my girlfriend about getting a sex toy? -Toy-Bound, 20 Mother Goose Says: Dear Toy, Relax. Mother Goose enjoys "toys" as do her "boys." A new relationship, particularly a "first" relationship of any kind or description is both exciting and stressful. Deep breath - all good relationships are based on communication around personal and sexual needs. Now, you have a number of choices: buy a toy that you would like and introduce it in a positive way during sex play, or alternatively outside the bedroom in a private discussion. Talk about your sexual history. A word of advice, (I know this first hand): clean toys are happy toys, and if you use "electronic" devices make sure they are cleaned and turned off afterwards. I'd stress that using a toy makes your sexual experience more pleasurable, and ask what helps your partner reach that sweet moment! All the best!

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Dear Mother Goose, I am a male bartender and bisexual, and have been dating a guy for nearly four months now. For the past several weeks I've been having very strong feelings for my fellow female bartender and this weekend we hooked up. She has feelings for me as well but we can't date because of workplace rules. Is it worth breaking up my relationship for a person I can't even be with? -Bartender In Love, 32 Mother Goose Says: Dear Bartender, I make the foolish assumption that your guy friend knows you are bi-sexual and that you occasionally hook up with women? I ask that because if everyone is open to a friendship outside work, then I think maybe you are not violating any bar policy whatsoever. Ma Goose isn't so sure the issue here is the "bar policy" but about open communication with the male partner. I know there is an old expression, "don't mix your meat with your potatoes." My hunch, at best, is the tavern is trying to avoid drama generated by "sexual harassment" or their patrons not getting the service they deserve. Besides, we all know, don't we, if someone is in a relationship - and the patrons know it - the tips decline, a negative for you and a negative for the bar. Net, keep the relationship of any nature out of the workplace and the rest is your business. Just be honest with your partners! I hope that helps!

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Dear Mother Goose, My boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship together for 5 years. Recently, I created a profile on one of those hookup sites but have never hooked up. I have "partnered" and "just chatting" splattered all over my profile. Of course my boyfriend found out that I had a profile, and now he is threatening to break up with me because he thinks I am cheating on him. Is he right? What should I do? - Grindr’d 42 Mother Goose Says: Dear G., There is an old saying: Where there is smoke, there is fire. Sure, there are plenty of profiles all over the G's (Grindr, Growlr, etc.) that say "coupled, partnered, friends only, here to check it out." Of course, Mother Goose is on those sites and I have to admit, if everyone was as "coupled" as they claim - I would think that they wouldn’t need to be on those sites at all. Ma Goose feels that your lack of direct communication with your boyfriend is where you got stuck. Seems like you should get off the internet and get a dialogue going. Are you bored with the relationship? Do you think you missed something these 5 years. If you care for this guy, then you need a heart to heart or a counselor. Trust.

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Dear Mother Goose, I know I’m good looking… but when I see a woman that I am attracted to, I begin to get a little self conscience about my curves. And if she is nice to me and flirts I think she is doing it because she feels sorry for me because I am "big-boned." Do attractive women have insecurities like me? -Mirror Envy, 27 Mother Goose Says: Dear Mirror, You make me go to that place where my own issues of "lookism” comes boiling up. What is good looking? On one hand you say you are attractive then you say you are "big-boned" and have concerns about "curves." As a full-figured "Goose" I have those doubts as well. Actually, my hunch is that most of us have issues with our bodies in this day and age. Honestly, I don't think it is about attractiveness but rather about insecurities with your own skin. I know the pressure of "lookism" but when it gets in the way of having a good old fashioned flirt, its time to do some self inventory. I'd say other than counseling, I have discovered the YMCA. Oh, not because it has transformed me into a picture of my youth, but I'm reminded daily how lucky I am to not limp, be in a chair, etc. My hour a day there has changed my whole perspective on it. Good luck. *Mother Goose is not a licensed shrink, therapist, doctor and only offers her advice after some 50 years of dating experience.