Mother Goose Says

Dear Ma Goose,

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years. It's OK, but over the past few months, I've been wanting more out of the relationship. A few weeks ago, I hooked up with one of my ex’s, and now we’re kind of secretly seeing each other. I know I need to break up with my beau, but do I have to tell him I’m banging my ex? - Ex Robber

Dear X-R,

True story, friend: I destroyed a fine relationship with my husband years back when I got involved with "that blonde." Sorry, I know not all blondes are home wreckers. It was a mess because I was a mess. I was actually overheard talking about the relationship by the current husband and that was the end of that. I blamed a lot of people at the time, but now, with years of therapy I've come to realize (and yes you actually suggest it) I was unhappy or unfilled in the relationship so I sought that excitement elsewhere. Of course, I also wanted the security of a relationship. If I had it to do again, I'd would have sought counseling when I started having the desire to play elsewhere. I didn't have the skills to communicate my needs. Today, my ex and I are friends, and yes, I realize I hurt him in a way he certainly did not deserve. If you can't have the talk with your relationship, then please talk to someone who is a professional for working on those skills. You might be able to get into couples counseling. You know, I could have done that but was stubborn and afraid. Even if it didn't fix the relationship, I believe now it could have been a better closing chapter for everyone. I learned cheating is a symptom of a big ole problem. All the best, Ma Goose.

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Dear Mother Goose,

Here in Cincinnati, it's hard to meet guys when you are the quiet type. When I'm out alone, I find myself standing on the wall, alone. I’m not bad looking, not particularly tall (just 5 feet 9 inches), so I don’t see what the problem is. How do I stop being creepy? - Wallflower

Dear Wallflower,

Forgive me, but this really isn't about "how good your consider your looks to be." It is about your needing to develop skills, like social skills, to meet and engage other people. I guess at my core, I'm an organizational whore. My way of seeking interaction, getting attention and yes "dates" was through working within groups social or political. It was about ideas, and passion - and where there are those - there are people with attractions. Not that I've written a study, but I've found so many of my younger peers have this problem. I lay part of its on the overuse of FB and social media as a substitute for face to face interaction. If you don't do it, how will you learn it? I laughed when you described your self as going out, as if on a hunt, lined up by the fishing wall. You stop being creepy when you stop looking, or expecting for someone to hit on your because of your self perceived good lucks. Why not do something new? I bet a smaller groups activity in any volunteer group in Cincinnati might also help with your "shyness." As ever, good luck, Mother Goose

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Dear Mother Goose,

I love to go out to bars and have a good time, but when I do, I know I am drinking far too much. It's getting weird. Almost all my activities with my friends involve alcohol. I’ve tried not to drink sometimes but then I feel like I don’t fit in. I forgot to mention that I am single and drinking makes it much easier to flirt. Am I an alcoholic? - Too Drunk To Drink

Dear TDTD,

Ma Goose is not a licensed therapist but I've had plenty of first hand experiences with dear friends with substance issues. In fact, over the years I've gone to alcohol anonymous (AA) meetings with friends to learn of their struggles and successes. Now, all that said, I think you've probably answered your own question! Isn't there an old saying you know a person by the company they keep? The truth is, alcohol like most substances can take the edge off social anxiety and "make it seem" easier to mix and fit in. While Ma Goose is no tea teetotaler, I've found less and less space for substance as I've aged. I don't know if there is a link but at least for me, as I got more involved in groups, social or political, I made more friends away from environments that involve substances. Everyone wants to go out and have a good time, but when you find a good time involves substances, you need to consider looking into a support group. There are various AA type groups listed online for Cincinnati - and there is more than one group. I've found groups vary and so might your mileage. By the way, joining a group or organization or dare I suggest a church group can give you more than amble opportunity to meet new people and, yes "flirt." - Ma Goose